What would Lara do? Thoughts on changing our perception...

I spotted this image this morning, shared by a friend of mine on Facebook. The words were unknown, but struck me, resonating with my current musings.

The last few days I've played a game. It's my 'What would Lara (Croft) do?' game. I am seriously loving it. I stand taller, things are a little more elegant - instead of feeling like a gangly giraffe - I've walked taller. I've had a kind of inner amusement, more purposeful movements. More mindful I suppose in a way. More conscious instead of just doing. Being in the present.

My game was inspired by a friend's comment and I asked if she'd write more for a blog, which is actually the bit that fully inspired me. If you've not read it, it's here.

I forget Lara all the time and just be me. But when I remember there's something quite special about it. Often I have a hurried shower, clean my teeth in there and out. When I'm playing the game, well, Lara wouldn't clean her teeth in the shower. Surely she'd do that in front of the mirror before or after with some kind of positive bad ass affirmations?

So no teeth cleaning in the shower. That's after. Or before. The bad ass bit I've just realised now, and since I'm writing this in PJs having been called downstairs by the cat's 'I'm about to be sick' noise, following my inspiration - yes I'm sure Lara would go with the flow - but probably her man servants would have sorted the cat. Or she wouldn't have one. Too messy. Anyway. A shower, noticing the water on my skin, appreciating the water as it cascades over me. Yes I do that 'oh look, I'm gorgeous' thing with my hair too. When I'm being Lara. It makes me smile, and damn it yes - makes me feel good. Instead of rushing through the shower on my way to the next thing.

I'm going to try the bad ass affirmations out this morning when I'm done here.  You know - 'Thou shalt not mess with me'. 'I am strong'..... You know, that kind of thing. I'm not a big affirmation girl and tend to agree with Mark Manson - if you're standing there in front of the mirror saying 'I am beautiful' over and again it's probably because you don't feel it. I know many who love them, so please check out both thoughts and go with what fits for you - we are all so different. I'm going to play with some. And see how they go. 

Play. I talk about play a lot I notice at times. I think we've forgotten the art and would say, if you're reading this, perhaps take a moment to think whether you're still playing. I love the quote...

You don't stop playing because you get old; you get old because you stop playing.

Taking on new things for me often feels like a game - a challenge, let's explore this with playful curiosity. Let's see. There is no fail, only if you don't give it a go. If you hate it, well, no worries, you tried something different. I had a slightly different view with my daughter when she'd try out a new activity, decide she loved it, got the uniform then decided after all maybe not... looking back though - great thing to get out there and try. Perhaps I was a little too quick with the uniform buying. Give it a go for a time - maybe set a month or a year or a certain number of lessons. Anyway, playing with something new I think is awesome. And life changing potentially. It has been for me. Learning to be a beginner I think is important - though not always easy, but both good for our brain and our ability to dive in, be useless (some are brilliant first time but not me) and get better.

Which brings me to my other musings for this blog, on our perception of life. We can change this so many ways - one that I see in clinic is using homeopathy - clients return, and whilst in some ways nothing has changed, in others, everything has changed. Their perception of events can shift dramatically, making life flow easier, they're often more centred, happier. But there are so many other ways. I'm playing with mindfulness and gratitude with a daily journal. Same questions morning and a similar set in the evening. Focussing on what has gone right, as well as what you can do more mindfully, and setting intentions.

An incident occurred to me on Saturday, and whilst initially I though 'gosh that's very weird' and kind of got on with things as we were hanging out with a friend, I recognised later it classed as assault. Which really shook me. To the point I slept badly, felt anxious, was really concerned about it all. It's been reported as is entirely inappropriate behaviour, and I'm OK with it now, back to my centre. But what I recognised was about the stories we tell ourselves around events. Lara would probably have shot them by now... which possibly wasn't the best comment to mention whilst reporting it. Damn, Lara would be more discrete. I'm learning. The game continues. 

The stories. We can build ourselves up as victims, or we can choose not to take that role on. I'm not referring here to serious incidents, and don't want to negate anyone's experience, but I do see we do this in small ways all the time. Someone pulls out in front of us - we can go 'oh that was stupid' and move on. Or 'why does this always happen to me, everyone thinks I'm such a walkover, this is terrible'... Perhaps a slightly dramatic example but I hope you get the drift. My favourite comment I think I've mentioned before is 'isn't that interesting'. You can apply it to so much, and I think it diffuses a whole load of potential sh1t.

There's a story I keep coming upon, from one of the books I've delved into this year and have a feeling it was either Shirzad Chamine's Positive Intelligence or Mark Manson's The Simple Art of Not Giving A F***. Whichever - I recommend anyone read them both anyway.

If a man is crossing a river
And an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be a bad-tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout to him to steer clear.
And if the shout is not heard he will shout
Again, and yet again, and begin cursing –
And all because there is somebody in that boat.
Yet if the boat were empty,
He would not be shouting, and he would not be angry.
— Chinese mystic Chuang Tzu

I'm sure you get the point - but if you want a fuller explanation, there's a great one here by Osho.

Boundaries are important, I believe, self respect, but not taking home the story works for me too.

So back to the image I started with. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday - on my way into my Lara shower, which does have to involve cleaning the bath so I don't break my neck on the leftover teenage conditioner. Not, I'm sure something Lady Lara Croft would have to do, but hey, with the serious lack of man servants around here... yet I clean as Lara would clean. With pride, elegance and a great posture. Ha - you don't have to only do what Lara would, you get to do anything as she would if she did. Who knows, maybe she does clean the violet conditioner blobs out of the bath tub pre shower after all.

Wow tangent. Mirror. Saggy parts of my body, somewhat child ravaged. More wrinkles than there used to be. Fat where it didn't used to be. And I looked back with love. With pride. A journey we have been on. Physical, emotional, mental. How I have grown. The two stretch marks above my belly button, from having by belly button stud at 16, then being pregnant with my daughter at 28. In the past I've regretted - if I hadn't had it pierced that'd be two less stretch marks. But yesterday, a real shift. Pride. I did that. They are reminders of my big swollen, about to burst, inny belly button had become an outy... no more space, daughter is pushing it to the very last minute (thank goodness for reflexology and homeopathy persuading her out of there!)... she still pushes it to the very last minute, but these marks, they remind me, as I write this, there is always help out there. Brilliant people are there for you, even if sometimes you don't feel it, don't see it in the moment. You can build your tribe and they will come. Call for help. So many of us forget to ask.

The breasts that had got me free beer (sorry feminist readers - it's about honesty this morning apparently and whilst I wouldn't do it now, at 21 I was all up for dancing topless on the table for a free jug of beer in Byron Bay), that had breastfed my daughter for 2 years and a month to the day. I don't regret a minute of that. So grateful for the opportunity. To breastfeed that is. The topless table dancing can do one. And whilst there'll be no beer winning (seriously, far more likely to go give them my thoughts on that idea than a view of my body now), they are a prize within themselves. A reminder of the amazingness of the human body, of my human experience. We can feed our own. I know it's out there in nature all the time, but how often do we stop and wonder at the amazingness of it? Even if we don't individually do it, should we be unable to do or should we choose not to, the fact that as a species this is possible is just remarkable. So yes, they're older. But wow - we are amazing. I am amazing.

These hips are wider than they used to be. Somehow I felt to be comparing myself to my 16 year old body... who is supposed to have that at 43? I'm still wearing the same jeans I was 14 years ago. Cut into shorts, subsequently patched and now needing some more TLC if they're to continue a little longer. I like the patching idea. We change, the wrinkles, we adapt to what we need to with the life challenges we encounter, but we are sometimes softer, more open hearted, more accepting, more colourful - well the shorts are definitely some of those, but I like the idea I may be too. More boundaried too, more accepting of what can go, what needs to go and how we will be around people. I'm not sure how my shorts that were once jeans til they wore out at the knee playing on the floor all the time with my toddler represent that. I'll work on it.

There is work I can do. There is work I want to do. I want to be fitter.. My dad at 71, is probably around the fittest he's been. Age is a number, but doesn't need to define us. But first, today, I want to appreciate, to see with love, pride, and dignity.

After all, what would Lara do?

Mentally there is work I want to do too, but, and I'm afraid I wear this with a badge of honour, when I heard myself referred to as 'the silly bitch at the end' this week in an earlier non-assault related incident, I took it and laughed, and laughed. Not fake laughter, real, bubbling up from my belly, the most delicious laughter. I can be whatever, whoever, in other's perceptions, but my bad ass monk work this year has certainly been paying off. Playing with something different has helped me grow in ways I didn't expect.

​With love, Em