It seems we're so time poor these days, but where does it all go? Our lives are simpler than they've been before, no more standing at the river washing clothes, or drying them through a mangle.

We don't have to walk to the Post Office to deliver a letter, we can write it and send it instantly, with a whoosh (that may just be my Mac - I can't seem to find where to turn the whoosh off but never mind, it makes me smile).

We can get anything we want without having to trail around shop after shop, and yet we're so often so busy.

And that can be me too, there's no judgement here. I'm inviting you to find some space, for you. To stop a moment, and just be. Did you notice a panic or a peace in that moment after my invitation? I'm curious, sometimes I'll experience both, though not at the same time.

"Curiousity", said my PCW (Provocative Change Works) teacher, on Saturday, "is the opposite to anxiety". I'm still pondering over that and, well, am curious.

I'm currently listening to Rangan Chatterjee's Happy Mind, Happy Life, and really enjoying it. I recommend!

I was curious for a while, why don't I just recommend everyone reads this book instead of talking about my Find Your Happy course that starts next month? And then I realised how often I will read something with life changing potential, then carry on doing my life. Of course many things do change me, but how many do I take the time to implement? Usually the ones where I have some accountability or it's a group thing.

Which made me recognise the value in what I'm offering. To show up for 4 weeks, to be present for 6 hours of our month, to discuss, experience, experiment, and be accountable to try things out between sessions. For me, that's much more likely to help me implement positive change than reading a book.

Happy for me isn't always skipping down the street with joy, don't get me wrong, it can be, but I'm also enjoying a deeper, calmer, more contented space. I'm finding that space more and more and am looking forward to sharing exercises, insights, research and practical tips on my Find Your Happy course.

See you there :)

It was earlier this week when, after an afternoon of a somewhat grumpy partner (with fair cause to be, but took a lot of energy for Little Miss Not a Lover of Conflict), a pick up mission with a snappy teen, then I went off to the gym to find some calm.

What I was confronted with was the busiest class I'd been to, and a grapple for finding space... which isn't really my scene. Then when there was a moment of being patronised by a fellow attendee, I sort of snapped. Not outwardly, but I did leave the session. Which isn't really what I love to do, or done before, but I'd had enough. So I walked home, cried, cried some more, and finally recounted my stuff to Steve, the aforementioned grumpy (and also lovely) being from the afternoon.

It was a petty thing, a nothing, just on the back of an afternoon of irritation, it was the metaphorical straw that broke the camel's back.

My partner pointed out how he wasn't grumpy now, I'd helped him loads to feel better, by listening and also pointing out some things (I'd got him to stand under a cherry tree and talked about how the petals were all miracles, and that he was too), the girl was shocked that her snappiness had had any effect on me, and as to my gym experience, that's really my stuff to let go of, she was just being who she was. In reality, none of my business.

My daughter highlighted something interesting though, that 'you have the tools to help yourself on this one', or words to that effect. And yes, I'm grateful that I do.

Being happy, I don't believe anyway, is a constant state, a quest, or a mission, but a state of contentedness, an ability to feel joy. Real life is ups and downs, and if we can bounce back from moments such as this, after expressing the emotions we need to, if we can move forwards seeing mostly good in the world, instead of constant bad. If we can lift others up by being outselves, and step (even a little bit) away from our in built negativity bias (which I believe is out there to protect us from constant danger... it's just sometimes we're OK and still can't let go of it), then we're on a good path I feel.

That's what I want to share on my Find Your Happy course - to chat about tools we can use to find more joy in the everyday.

I'm running it on Thursdays in May - 5th, 12th, 19th and 26th, from 7pm-8.30pm, and am keeping the cost low at just £100 for the 4 sessions. As ever, and I mention elsewhere on the website - I've done the single parent dance, I know money can be tough, and would rather someone were able to do it than not, so if the £s are a challenge, I'm happy to discuss it too.

If you've any questions about it, feel free to drop me a line.

Find out more here.

I'm not great at stopping. I'm working on it. But generally I'm pretty good at doing. Quite a lot. I just do it. It was after I'd recommended a client to visit Jennie Clegg of Nurturing Touch that I thought I really should probably know where I was recommending her to. And what. I'd heard great things about Mizan Therapy in general but didn't really know much about it. Jennie also is a Sound Therapist - and I am a BIG lover of a sound bath. I've a group gong bath, and a gong bath just for me but never a 1:1 sound therapy session.

So, in typical me style, why not dive in and try them both in a combined session. So I did. And my word. From the start to the finish I was glad I did.

I've known Jennie for some time, we both move in similar circles, and am glad to have her in my life. Is it fair to say even more so now? No, I think just I'm glad I know more of what she does.

The therapy room is warm, welcoming whilst being calm and serene at the same time. Uncluttered and fresh feeling, it was a space to drop away the worries at the door.

Jennie's approach, professional yet friendly, would put anyone at ease and give the feeling they were in good hands (pun intended). Mizan/Abdominal Healing is a therapy for anyone with an abdomen I learnt. I had thought it was aimed more at women, but it's for both men and women. I didn't go with a specific aim, more with an open mind and curiosity, albeit there are always niggles and things that could be helped.

Then onto the Sound Healing. This is something I'm curious to learn more about and even tempted to dive in and study it later this year. We'll see what unfolds. Post massage fuzzy happy state, was a wonderful way to enter the Sound stage of the session and Jennie asked whether I'd be OK with the singing bowls placed on my body. I'd never tried that before so why not? Feeling the vibrations pass through me was a new sensation, and I loved the session. Finishing with the gong, I'm pretty sure I drifted off into the most relaxed state I'd been in recently, and it felt great.

All in all, I can't wait to check my diary and see when I can get back there. I will be firmly and happily recommending Jennie, to anyone, and if you're curious, head over and check out her website.

Photo by Kat Weatherill

https://www.nurturingtouch.uk

Images used with permission from Jennie Clegg.

I had a whole crazy car experience at the weekend and whilst there were definitely moments of challenge, and definitely times I certainly didn't feel strong, during most of it all I felt incredibly lucky, calm and content that it would all work out OK.

One of the things I reflected on was a recent trip with my daughter. Travelling back from a day out in Scarborough with a migraine didn't make driving the greatest fun ever. My daughter sat at the side of me and encouraged me onwards... 'come on mum, you can do it', 'you've got this', 'I'm on Team Em', and the like. I chatted to my mum about it after the event and she reminded me of a trip we'd made to Scotland, when the sky felt to dump the entire snow content of some big old clouds on the section of road we were on. Leaving the motorway onto an exit road saw us seeing a lorry pulled over (skidded to the side of the road), and Isla suggesting we queue behind that. 'We don't want to be there, they're stuck, we need to keep going, but this isn't nice to drive in, I'm a bit scared'. Perhaps too much honesty but sometimes words come out before I've thought about it. Damn that human-ness!!

'Mum, you're the best driver I know, if anyone can do it you can...' and we did it. Of course we did. I'm the best driver she knows.

So this time, after a late night rescue the night before, after walking home in the dark at 1am (couldn't get a taxi for love nor money after my broken car got towed and I couldn't get close to where I was staying on the truck), I again called the AA to try and get home. They managed to fix the car, which was a relief, albeit on my 4 hours of sleep, with a 4-5 hour trip ahead of me, I wasn't overjoyed about starting out at 6pm last night.

But, alongside, I was also so conscious of how much I'd been supported over the time. How tiny things had happened that had meant it was all so much better than it could have been. How I was lucky, in a crazy sort of way, and how many people had been rooting for me during my adventure. I reflected on that time and again this morning, to the point I made a list. There were 30 things in 36 hours I was incredibly grateful for, before starting on the things that we often take for granted, clean water, air, not living in a conflict zone.

One thing I heard during my 5 hour - with stops and slower driving as I was so tired - trip back last night, was my daughter's voice. 'You can do this', 'I'm on Team Em' etc. It may sound silly but it got me thinking. How often we're not like that. How often we berate ourselves for 'silly mistakes', for things gone wrong. We are so harsh on ourselves, so very often, and perhaps, just perhaps, things might be different if we were gentler, kinder, more encouraging.

What if we went so far as to experiment with how we'd speak if we loved ourselves?

Love to know what you think,

Em x

PS this was such a sight for sore eyes at 11pm last night. Home!!

The Times view on the Society of Homeopaths withdrawing from the watchdog’s list of healthcare providers: Beyond the Fringe

Campaigners for good science have scored a victory against homeopathy
Monday August 16 2021, 12.01am, The Times

Campaigners for good science are serving the public interest by exposing the bogus methods of homeopathy

Really?? Serving the public interest by dismissing a system of medicine that helps by reducing dependency on pharmaceutical interventions? I was with a pharmacist friend of mine today who told me it's shocking the amount of medication some of her clients are on, and the more she learns, the more she wants to get them off the meds (and is frequently able to do so). Frequently patients are able to reduce medication or handle side effects better when using homeopathy. What public interest is there in removing that?

The pandemic has cost millions of lives and spread immense hardship. It does not make light of this disaster to observe that it might have been far worse but for the efforts of scientists. Researchers managed, in little more than a year, to independently develop several vaccines to a novel coronavirus whose origins even now are hotly debated.

Yes. Well done scientists. But seriously anything to do with this article?

The procedures that scientists follow, by experiment and the accumulation of evidence, are vital to health and wellbeing. And the medical profession has a particular responsibility to ensure that treatments that pass no scientific test are clearly marked as such. It is a victory for science and sense that an organisation called the Society of Homeopaths has withdrawn from a register of healthcare providers kept by the government health watchdog, the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).

I refer you back to the blog before this one where the pie chart is shown from the industry. It makes interesting viewing when read in association with the above paragraph.

The society was given accreditation by the PSA in 2014, but this was suspended in January after the rules were amended to include a public interest test. The test was designed to assess whether the evidence in favour of a form of treatment outweighed the risks of administering it. The society says that it is withdrawing because the fees of registration with the PSA are too high. Regardless of the motive, its decision helps dispel any public confusion between the treatments devised by medical science and the superstitious nostrums that are sold under the label of homeopathy. No one seeks to shut down homeopaths from practising, but public authorities have a duty to tell the truth about their methods and remedies.

I do really love this latest sentence. The Good Thinking Society, if you take a look at their campaigns, certainly seem hell-bent on this mission. And as to truth, agreed - but how many of us have the slightest idea on so many things. Referring to the blog above again. Reading this you wouldn't think also that until very recently no one could tell you how anaesthesia worked, just that it did. Or also that there are plenty of medics - doctors, nurses, as well as pharmacists, who've found their way into working with homeopathy.

Whereas modern medicine is generally held to date from the second half of the 19th century, with the germ theory of disease, homeopaths trace their inspiration to the theories of one Samuel Hahnemann at the end of the 18th century. He hypothesised that a substance that produced symptoms similar to an ailment could cure that ailment, and that this effect could be amplified by heavily diluting the substance. There is no evidence in support of this theory. Homeopathic remedies have no active substance and, if they have any benefit at all, it is as a placebo. Placebos are dummy medicines which may have a therapeutic effect in providing psychological reassurance to a patient.

​Well... another brilliant paragraph. There's lots to address here. Dr Samuel Hahnemann was indeed the inspiration behind homeopathy. In terms of like curing like, I believe that one went back to Paracelsus, Shakespeare also discusses the concept in one of his plays, and modern medicine is working with the like cures like theory in several ways - e.g. Ritalin, a stimulant for use in people experiencing ADHD, others self medicated with coffee, another stimulant. Peanuts to help alleviate peanut allergy is another interesting one.

Heavily diluting the substance - here in homeopathy, we need the succussion as well - the shaking of the substances too. It's fair to say it sounds a little crazy, until you start to look at the evidence, and those in support of the evidence, ranging again from the everyday homeopath, the mum who sees it working before her eyes, the child who observes the instant changes in a sick dog after a remedy was administered, to the medics, to the Nobel Prize winners who are experimenting with it. And seeing that heavily diluted is not nothing.

Placebo is an effect with everything - but the placebo effect is recorded as being around 30%. In trials homeopathy has shown around a 70% improvement rate. Showing it either to be more than doubly as good as 'normal placebo' or perhaps, maybe, errrr not placebo.

That is all that can be said in favour of homeopathy. It is not nothing, but neither is it medical science in any recognisable form. Nor are its methods as harmless as this description suggests.

The PSA’s public interest test was prompted by a legal challenge brought by a pressure group called the Good Thinking Society. The society sought a judicial review of the homeopaths’ registration. The challenge came none too soon. It brought attention to the fact that some members of the Society of Homeopaths had offered a form of therapy based on the entirely fallacious notion that vaccinations cause autism. The purported research behind this claim is now known to have been fraudulent, and its author, Andrew Wakefield, was struck off the medical register as a result.

Clunky. Some big twists of facts here. There's probably far too much to go into here - Andrew Wakefield, for all my research on the topic, never said that. But it's convenient - read lazy - to say so time and again, and then people start to believe it. Even during recent times my daughter had a text from her uncle to a family group chat saying it's time to remember Andrew Wakefield and the nonsense he talked. He probably was unaware of the actual research Wakefield did, which may have had issues with how it was conducted, he would, and has, said so himself, but which never drew these particular conclusions. Still, repeat a lie enough and it becomes fact, right?
​
Campaigners for good science are serving the public interest by exposing the bogus methods of homeopathy. However, with the many celebrity supporters that homeopathy attracts (and these famously include the heir to the throne), science is blind to social distinctions and to fame. Its methods are the best hope humans have of understanding the universe and overcoming the threats to human welfare.
 
Science, to my awareness, is about questioning, challenging, stretching our knowledge, not writing something off because we don't get it yet. Surely we should dive into it and find out more? Seeing changes occur within seconds, as was a recent experience with our pug X dog's eye and a dose of Euphrasia and Silica 30c is utterly remarkable and I'd love for science to be able to explain it to me fully. What I could do is write it off as placebo. But on a dog? Really? Some would say that I felt better because I'd done something about it, and that energy passed onto her*. I can assure you I've given enough incorrect remedy matches to see that placebo ain't all that's going on here.

*I can also say if that's the case then WTF - why aren't we investigating that one?!

If you're curious, it's worth checking out the Homeopathy Research Institute website, there are many scientists around the world both in support of homeopathy and researching it. I certainly think there are exciting discoveries to come. 

I believe the best ways to understand the universe may not be to divide, to remove but perhaps to investigate this area with curiosity as Nobel Prize winners such as Brian Josephson, who won his award after research he did at age 22, or Luc Montagnier who discovered HIV. Have a read more about theirs, and other fascinating scientist's work here.

And listen, for goodness sake, listen to patients who have got better. Again and again using it. And who want to access it through the NHS, want to have it integrated as a part of their health service, want to look after themselves with integrated ways. Integrative medicine, including homeopathy. Not to pressure groups who seem to have created their own mission to get rid of this gentle, effective medicine.
 

I debated whether I wanted to write this blog. Initially I felt strongly that was what i wanted to do, to look at the drivel (my opinion of course) printed and examine each point, sharing what I believe to be facts, grounded - yes, in science. Or was it a case of 'yesterday's news, today's chip papers'? I know they usually come in those irritating polystyrene boxes now but you get the concept. Anyway, the fact you're here, as I am means I swung back to my original position. I hope I can do it credit but there is such nonsense shared that it does make me want to chat about my experience, but not just what I've seen, what's taken place in laboratory settings, clinical settings and more.

Italics is The Times, plain type is me.

Victory for campaigners as homeopaths quit healthcare watchdog 
Rhys Blakely, Science Correspondent
Monday August 16 2021, 12.01am, The Times

Homeopathy is based on the notion that water retains a “memory” of ingredients that have been dissolved in it.

That could be one theory of it all. And indeed, should you be interested, the memory of water theory, backed by Nobel Prize winners such as Luc Montagnier (Nobel Prize for Medicine for discovery of HIV), is one theory. There are others. Nanoparticles as a concept is coming through as a topic of great interest in the scientific community. Probably until someone mentions homeopathy, then they run screaming... Should you be interested in more, take a look at the Homeopathy Research Institute site, in particular their talks from conferences. Interested in water? The Water Conference has many speakers from many fields of academia. It's not one to watch as you chop the veg for dinner - or at least not for me - I tried it, but have to really concentrate! An A level in Biology, Chemistry and Physics and Scientific degree in no way prepared me for the depth here!

The largest organisation for homeopaths has withdrawn from the register of healthcare providers accredited by Professional Standards Agency.
The Society of Homeopaths (SOH), which has 1,000 members, had been accredited by the PSA, the government’s healthcare watchdog, since 2014.
It decided to withdraw from the register after the rules of the accreditation scheme were changed to include a new public interest test. This weighs up whether the evidence for the benefits of any treatments outweigh any risks.

The society insisted that it was withdrawing because the PSA fees had become too expensive.

He said, she said. Who knows. But interesting for me to see about the benefits of treatment outweighing any risks. The chart produced by British Journal of Medicine’s handbook, Clinical Evidence – as orthodox a medical publication as you can hope to find on the planet, shines a light on medicine overall in terms of risks and benefits. Most haven't seen this before - funny that.
​

Large scale studies have shown benefits of homeopathy - and often at a lesser cost, and needing less pharmaceutical interventions. Could this be a reason it's not so popular? The EPI3 studies are worth a look at should you be interested to see further. 1, 2, 3.

Homeopathy is based on the notion that water retains a “memory” of ingredients that have been dissolved in it. Advocates, including the Prince of Wales, believe that the water can treat a variety of ailments.

Well, not so much the water as the pharmaceutically prepared medications. Prepared in a particular way, which I don't want to make sound too much like Harry Potter - but if you just pop something in water, no, it's not homeopathic. No one is claiming it is.

It has been shown that the successions of the material are relevant. Not everyone will want to explore this further, but for the science geeks out there (btw I salute you!), it may be of interest to see discover Dr Maria Olga Kokornaczyk, whose paper "Impact of succussion on pharmaceutical preparations analyzed by means of patterns from evaporated droplets" was the second most downloaded Chemistry paper in Nature journal's Scientific Reports through 2020. If you want a look it's here. Can I just say again. Nature. Not the piddly diddly journal of woo. I imagine dear writer, the author of this Times article, perhaps hadn't read that one.

And here, if you're intrigued - a wee video:

A scientific study, led by a Swiss research group, showed homeopathic arsenic to be more effective for treating poisoned duckweed than water alone. Full Text: “Effects of Homeopathic Arsenicum Album, Nosode, and Gibberellic Acid Preparations on the Growth Rate of Arsenic-Impaired Duckweed (Lemna gibba L.)” Tim Jäger, Claudia Scherr, Meinhard Simon, Peter Heusser and Stephan Baumgartner http://bit.ly/homeopathy-works

Nobel Prize winner Professor Luc Montagnier - who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Medicine, for his discovery of HIV, discusses the water theory here.

Many other scientists, serious researchers and more are investigating this. We can keep ridiculing it - it's quite easy, and some may find it fun - but really - I think you'd be amazed if you started to look deeper at this substance we almost all take for granted.
​

I spotted this image this morning, shared by a friend of mine on Facebook. The words were unknown, but struck me, resonating with my current musings.

The last few days I've played a game. It's my 'What would Lara (Croft) do?' game. I am seriously loving it. I stand taller, things are a little more elegant - instead of feeling like a gangly giraffe - I've walked taller. I've had a kind of inner amusement, more purposeful movements. More mindful I suppose in a way. More conscious instead of just doing. Being in the present.

My game was inspired by a friend's comment and I asked if she'd write more for a blog, which is actually the bit that fully inspired me. If you've not read it, it's here.

I forget Lara all the time and just be me. But when I remember there's something quite special about it. Often I have a hurried shower, clean my teeth in there and out. When I'm playing the game, well, Lara wouldn't clean her teeth in the shower. Surely she'd do that in front of the mirror before or after with some kind of positive bad ass affirmations?

So no teeth cleaning in the shower. That's after. Or before. The bad ass bit I've just realised now, and since I'm writing this in PJs having been called downstairs by the cat's 'I'm about to be sick' noise, following my inspiration - yes I'm sure Lara would go with the flow - but probably her man servants would have sorted the cat. Or she wouldn't have one. Too messy. Anyway. A shower, noticing the water on my skin, appreciating the water as it cascades over me. Yes I do that 'oh look, I'm gorgeous' thing with my hair too. When I'm being Lara. It makes me smile, and damn it yes - makes me feel good. Instead of rushing through the shower on my way to the next thing.

I'm going to try the bad ass affirmations out this morning when I'm done here.  You know - 'Thou shalt not mess with me'. 'I am strong'..... You know, that kind of thing. I'm not a big affirmation girl and tend to agree with Mark Manson - if you're standing there in front of the mirror saying 'I am beautiful' over and again it's probably because you don't feel it. I know many who love them, so please check out both thoughts and go with what fits for you - we are all so different. I'm going to play with some. And see how they go. 

Play. I talk about play a lot I notice at times. I think we've forgotten the art and would say, if you're reading this, perhaps take a moment to think whether you're still playing. I love the quote...

Taking on new things for me often feels like a game - a challenge, let's explore this with playful curiosity. Let's see. There is no fail, only if you don't give it a go. If you hate it, well, no worries, you tried something different. I had a slightly different view with my daughter when she'd try out a new activity, decide she loved it, got the uniform then decided after all maybe not... looking back though - great thing to get out there and try. Perhaps I was a little too quick with the uniform buying. Give it a go for a time - maybe set a month or a year or a certain number of lessons. Anyway, playing with something new I think is awesome. And life changing potentially. It has been for me. Learning to be a beginner I think is important - though not always easy, but both good for our brain and our ability to dive in, be useless (some are brilliant first time but not me) and get better.

Which brings me to my other musings for this blog, on our perception of life. We can change this so many ways - one that I see in clinic is using homeopathy - clients return, and whilst in some ways nothing has changed, in others, everything has changed. Their perception of events can shift dramatically, making life flow easier, they're often more centred, happier. But there are so many other ways. I'm playing with mindfulness and gratitude with a daily journal. Same questions morning and a similar set in the evening. Focussing on what has gone right, as well as what you can do more mindfully, and setting intentions.

An incident occurred to me on Saturday, and whilst initially I though 'gosh that's very weird' and kind of got on with things as we were hanging out with a friend, I recognised later it classed as assault. Which really shook me. To the point I slept badly, felt anxious, was really concerned about it all. It's been reported as is entirely inappropriate behaviour, and I'm OK with it now, back to my centre. But what I recognised was about the stories we tell ourselves around events. Lara would probably have shot them by now... which possibly wasn't the best comment to mention whilst reporting it. Damn, Lara would be more discrete. I'm learning. The game continues. 

The stories. We can build ourselves up as victims, or we can choose not to take that role on. I'm not referring here to serious incidents, and don't want to negate anyone's experience, but I do see we do this in small ways all the time. Someone pulls out in front of us - we can go 'oh that was stupid' and move on. Or 'why does this always happen to me, everyone thinks I'm such a walkover, this is terrible'... Perhaps a slightly dramatic example but I hope you get the drift. My favourite comment I think I've mentioned before is 'isn't that interesting'. You can apply it to so much, and I think it diffuses a whole load of potential sh1t.

There's a story I keep coming upon, from one of the books I've delved into this year and have a feeling it was either Shirzad Chamine's Positive Intelligence or Mark Manson's The Simple Art of Not Giving A F***. Whichever - I recommend anyone read them both anyway.

I'm sure you get the point - but if you want a fuller explanation, there's a great one here by Osho.

Boundaries are important, I believe, self respect, but not taking home the story works for me too.

So back to the image I started with. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday - on my way into my Lara shower, which does have to involve cleaning the bath so I don't break my neck on the leftover teenage conditioner. Not, I'm sure something Lady Lara Croft would have to do, but hey, with the serious lack of man servants around here... yet I clean as Lara would clean. With pride, elegance and a great posture. Ha - you don't have to only do what Lara would, you get to do anything as she would if she did. Who knows, maybe she does clean the violet conditioner blobs out of the bath tub pre shower after all.

Wow tangent. Mirror. Saggy parts of my body, somewhat child ravaged. More wrinkles than there used to be. Fat where it didn't used to be. And I looked back with love. With pride. A journey we have been on. Physical, emotional, mental. How I have grown. The two stretch marks above my belly button, from having by belly button stud at 16, then being pregnant with my daughter at 28. In the past I've regretted - if I hadn't had it pierced that'd be two less stretch marks. But yesterday, a real shift. Pride. I did that. They are reminders of my big swollen, about to burst, inny belly button had become an outy... no more space, daughter is pushing it to the very last minute (thank goodness for reflexology and homeopathy persuading her out of there!)... she still pushes it to the very last minute, but these marks, they remind me, as I write this, there is always help out there. Brilliant people are there for you, even if sometimes you don't feel it, don't see it in the moment. You can build your tribe and they will come. Call for help. So many of us forget to ask.

The breasts that had got me free beer (sorry feminist readers - it's about honesty this morning apparently and whilst I wouldn't do it now, at 21 I was all up for dancing topless on the table for a free jug of beer in Byron Bay), that had breastfed my daughter for 2 years and a month to the day. I don't regret a minute of that. So grateful for the opportunity. To breastfeed that is. The topless table dancing can do one. And whilst there'll be no beer winning (seriously, far more likely to go give them my thoughts on that idea than a view of my body now), they are a prize within themselves. A reminder of the amazingness of the human body, of my human experience. We can feed our own. I know it's out there in nature all the time, but how often do we stop and wonder at the amazingness of it? Even if we don't individually do it, should we be unable to do or should we choose not to, the fact that as a species this is possible is just remarkable. So yes, they're older. But wow - we are amazing. I am amazing.

These hips are wider than they used to be. Somehow I felt to be comparing myself to my 16 year old body... who is supposed to have that at 43? I'm still wearing the same jeans I was 14 years ago. Cut into shorts, subsequently patched and now needing some more TLC if they're to continue a little longer. I like the patching idea. We change, the wrinkles, we adapt to what we need to with the life challenges we encounter, but we are sometimes softer, more open hearted, more accepting, more colourful - well the shorts are definitely some of those, but I like the idea I may be too. More boundaried too, more accepting of what can go, what needs to go and how we will be around people. I'm not sure how my shorts that were once jeans til they wore out at the knee playing on the floor all the time with my toddler represent that. I'll work on it.

There is work I can do. There is work I want to do. I want to be fitter.. My dad at 71, is probably around the fittest he's been. Age is a number, but doesn't need to define us. But first, today, I want to appreciate, to see with love, pride, and dignity.

After all, what would Lara do?

Mentally there is work I want to do too, but, and I'm afraid I wear this with a badge of honour, when I heard myself referred to as 'the silly bitch at the end' this week in an earlier non-assault related incident, I took it and laughed, and laughed. Not fake laughter, real, bubbling up from my belly, the most delicious laughter. I can be whatever, whoever, in other's perceptions, but my bad ass monk work this year has certainly been paying off. Playing with something different has helped me grow in ways I didn't expect.

​With love, Em

It's fair to say I'm a little obsessed with resilience. I've taught on it this year, I've gained more of it, lost all of it at times and am focussed on learning, growing and being more resilient, in particular this year, but all in all that's just a step in a bigger picture.

So when a friend made a comment on a Facebook post this morning, my ears pricked up and I said I'd love her to write something for a blog if she'd be happy to. Well, imagine my surprise to find a brilliant email from her just a couple of hours later. I was pondering creating a podcast to chat about resilience and lots more before seeing her initial comment this morning, and who knows - we'll see. But I really love what she says here and am super excited to share. 

If you've tips, tricks and thoughts on a similar line I'd love to hear. Read on!

​I love Lara
 
So, for as long as I can remember I’ve never really been good with heights.
 
I think it started from doing rock climbing at school and just never feeling safe and having a panic attack on the rocks and crying everywhere.
 
Over the years Ive kept forgetting this quite important bit of me and have found myself in some tricky situations.  
 
I like to say yes to things and have adventures, so when I find myself at the top of York Eye suddenly remembering my fear of heights as the dizzy scared nausea feeling kicks in, and I start full on sobbing I remember it all over again.  
 
The same when I wanted to get to the top of the hill to see the church that was in Mamma Mia and we had to climb these teeny tiny stairs right on a sheer drop and I was pushing grannies out the way so I could get to the top as soon as possible as I was so scared and crying.  
 
Then there was the time when the kids were playing on some rocks (trying not to pass my fear on I let them explore) and the little darlings got stuck up high and I had to go on a one woman rescue to get them whilst crying and snotting and screaming at them as I was so scared but I had to get them down safely.
 
Then the game changer happened.  I had said yes to doing a Go Ape experience (why why why???). I was fine with the harness and the climb but once up there I remembered again and I could feel myself start to panic and the tears of fear start.  Then I somehow my brain changed.  Id just watched Lara Croft tomb raider and I loved her strength and courage and intelligence and I thought, ‘I bet she could just leap through these trees’.  This was my first imposter experience. I pretended I was Lara Croft.  I knew I was safe as I had the harness on and I knew I actually did have the capability to do the challenges it was just the confidence I was lacking.  I just played a game in my mind and pretended to feel what she would feel.  Lara would feel strong. She would feel confident. She would relish the challenge. So that’s what I decided to feel.  I held my head high and actually changed my stance to be lara (I don’t look like her at all but in my head I was!).  I then just went all out and did it.  Not only did I do it, I wanted to do it well and to do it fast and to really push myself. You know what, it bloody worked!! I flew through those trees and even went down the zip drop at the end. There were still nerves there but pushed so far back they didn’t control me anymore. Lara was the main character in this and she was tough and resilient.  
 
Since my Lara breakthrough, ive done parachute jumps, held tarantulas, snakes, swam in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean (I had a crazy shark/ megladon fear here!) and just generally been able to push myself more by borrowing the Lara character.  She is now just a bit of me that I call on when I need to dig deep in a scary situation and I know I can get through these fears. This is how I worked on my being resilient.     

Ruth Kitcher-Paige

Of course, as Ruth and I chatted later, it doesn't have to be Lara for you. It could be Martin Luther King Jnr, Mahatma Gandhi, Aristotle or any number of cartoon, real or imaginary characters.

I hate being held back by fears, and love to push myself so I'm not restricted by my mind. Sometimes though in the tough times I forget this and am super excited to have this brilliant blog by Ruth to look back on and remind myself. 

Happy to feature other guest posts on resilience (or other health related issues) get in touch!

With love (and increasing resilience),

Em x

Having written the title, I'm not sure if it sounds overly dramatic, but that's what I've been musing over the past few days.

I'm not a huge 'self care' fan. Not that we shouldn't be looking after ourselves, not that we're not important, please don't get me wrong here. But we ideally build a life that we don't need to escape from. We create something that fits us well, that has our needs met as well as everyone else's. Sometimes far easier said than done. Especially, I see in practice, for women. Of course it needs to evolve with us, it's not a fixed thing and different phases there's more or less time.

So self care. I fear my dislike is because it's become popular, a term banded about 'oh you need some self care...; what self care do you do?' etc. Maybe I'm just being grumpy, but bear with. For a moment at least. It's not a plaster we can just pop on something. Not something that can fix it all... 

Currently, with the news from both the mainstream, and that of the alternative thinkers - which is actually sometimes more terrifying, I feel there is some damned heavy energy out there. It's sometimes tough coping. I had a real low on Wednesday of this week, deflated, feeling defeated, flat and uninspired to do anything. My partner helped, with a 'come on, get off those channels on Telegram'. Yup. Definitely guilty of devouring anything I can, in an attempt to understand, to know. To act. To educate. But seeing how destructive those urges can be, sitting in a beautiful outdoor space, knowing my need to connect with nature is huge right now. 

And not in a superficial 'I need to connect with nature' way I guess. Not like a plaster I can slap on and it'll all be OK. This is long term. I need to immerse myself. Mostly I currently need to swim. The temperature was 12 degrees C last time I swam, 6am yesterday morning. I was not worrying about Pfizer doing experiments on 6 month old babies then. I could not. I was feeling. Noticing the water around me, observant of only that. Present. Really present in my body. I know many, including my partner who've swum in plenty colder. 10 degrees is about my coldest with my swim suit. 4 is my coldest in a wetsuit, several years ago. 1.6 is my partner's coldest this winter. I aim for winter skin swimming this year. We'll see where that goes. For now, it's cold enough to be aware. Cold enough to be mindful, present, aware of nothing else apart from where I am, in that space.

Swimming is heavily there in my survival plan. Laughter Yoga too. My gorgeous Harmonising Water group. Connecting with like minded souls. Eating nourishing food. Less TV. We've just done Monday - Thursday with no TV. Next week may be similar. Paddle boarding is in the plan. Outside. Being. The survival plan feels like the way forwards. Knowing there is dark, there is pain, but knowing I can still sing, can still feel joy out there. And inside.

Thriving is clearly the way forwards. Sometimes surviving through the dark is enough. Thriving will come again.

With love,

Em 

I want to blog on my experiences of laughing regularly since January 2021 and plan to share other's experiences, including those I've trained with and those I've regularly laughed with as I feel there's a need for laughing now, and just want to share my feelings on how it's been for me and others. Laughing regularly could be with me, with other Laughter Yoga leaders, as a regular commitment alone, with the fabulous people I trained with, with friends or however you like. I reckon laughter regularly has something really special going for it. It's free, it's available for us all and I certainly feel we all could benefit from it right now.

New blog on that coming soon. But for now, have a watch of Patch above.

And so to end, and I want to go back to where I started, as I like going in a circle - on walks, I see it happen in life, I love to observe the way it's all a cycle out there in nature...

"Our research has shown that in 2020, 38% of Brits cannot recall a time when they have laughed out loud."

If you're there with the 38%, come and laugh with me. Details of the sessions are here. Or laugh with someone else, but I invite you to dive in and explore your relationship with laughter. It might be the best thing you've ever done. And, as I say to my daughter, "if it's awful it should at least make a funny story." What's to lose?

With love, and laughter,

Em x