On life, living and loving what is

What a year 2016 was for me! Burnout at the start (beautifully recovered from with homeopathic help from my homeopath and supplements, meditation and the outdoors), puppy adventures, many kindred spirits and then my sister's recovery to health from summer onwards.

My mum commented recently how my sister had quoted her brain tumour as such a positive thing that had happened to her. And that it had changed her. Mum also mentioned I have changed too. It's impossible not to I suppose, we change all the time. I guess whether it's a positive or negative change is maybe the bit we can choose to influence. 

For me, there's been a letting go, a letting in, a subtle compassion perhaps. I drove today realising that I feel full of joy. There are challenges - I bumped a car, there has been cat wee (lots) to clean up whilst one of the cats has had a protest wee-out at my new eco cat litter (honestly - no one told them I was here to save the world?! Turns out it is effective as a form of protest though, even for the most stubborn minded eco-warriors), as well as everyday life ups and downs with a beautifully strong minded daughter, a dog, 2 cats, a lizard, and a lovely 40-something boy who pops in and out of our lives when work and life allow. But the joy at the little things seems deeper, more raw somehow. I am more touched by the beauty of the trees against the sky, the colours I can see as the sun sets. My nose tickles more often at the beauty in the simple.

My heart feels more open. I feel more alive to the everyday. And more content. Oh my word, so much more contented. I was never going to live here, was always going to be somewhere more exciting, and yet somehow circumstances meant here I am. Gently, happily here for now.  And I muse over my view on the world, on how I feel we're here playing a learning game. Discovering how it is, who it is, to be human. Having all those experiences (even the ones I've found uncomfy, hated and rallied against for so long), learning all this stuff. Perhaps if that's a load of rubbish though, that should change things? What if this is all we have? My dad and I oppose each other on this view - mine is as us eternal souls, passing through, discovering and learning. His is we are finite, an experimental mutation perhaps. We are here now and that's it.

Either way, I see peace, acceptance and joy. If we're here and that's it then nothing is worth the stress. And as stress, I suppose I mean our opinion, our story about what's happening to us. I mean the longer term discomfort we experience. In that moment we feel what we feel, but if we can let it go life is so much lighter. It may still not be fun, but if we can see it as less of a drama perhaps that helps. I am mindful as I write of the luxury of my life. A single parent for years, we are not rich in ways some strive for, but we have so so much. Others less so and whilst it's easy for me to meditate, exercise and eat well, I'm aware it's not so for all.

That said, the lessons I've learnt from the dark places have helped me more than anything too. The clinging on when it didn't feel worthwhile, the hands that have helped in more ways than their owners may have known at the time, or ever, the crisis and darkness at the state of the world that I went through last year. Those times were tough. And yet a step at a time. Taking it just a moment at a time helped.

So here we are. The times around us are crazy. I confess to knowing nothing about global events for the last week. February is time for a break for me, I'm playing with a calendar of the year and February is Facebook free, fun (board games, outdoor games, drawing, creative) and fitness (daily dog walks, sometimes jogs and the 7 minute workout app most days). The mainstream news doesn't inspire me generally and I'm not engaging with that this month although I do love Positive News. And I will return to knowing what's happening once more but this resting time is bringing so much. An invitation to the simple, the everyday magic and I feel it deeply in my bones, in my heart and my soul is soaring.

The beauty of not knowing in the everyday, or leaning into the unknown, the uncertain and feeling my way, one foot at a time is bringing a certain joy. I may have mentioned The Way of the Peaceful Warrior before - a book recommended by a treasured friend, and would recommend it here. A beautiful way to aspire to live life. On my school drives into the Dales, I'm currently listening to The Fifth Agreement which is reminding me much of Dan Milman's Peaceful Warrior and it brings many gifts.

Before I go I thought I'd mention two other things I'm aware of over time which have helped me significantly, and other that I'm loving at the moment I thought would share.

• Individualised homeopathic treatment - this has been fundamental in my path to being here in this good space, and I love to help others with their challenges. When we can find that remedy that really resonates with a person, as well as sometimes helping with lifestyle suggestions and adjustments, things unfold in the most beautiful way I've seen. Walking at the side of others whilst they find their way to health and supporting them with this. I'm still to find something as elegant as homeopathy in terms of what it can bring to someone's life, and the changes that can ripple out from there. This has been huge for me in the darker times, and I still engage regularly with my homeopath. For me it's a helpful process as I negotiate my way through this dance called life :)

 

• Mindfulness. A tool we can all learn, either ourselves or working with practitioners, in groups, or on online courses. It's significantly helped me and one of my February challenges is daily meditation, either at home or in places of beauty nearby.

 

• One of the things I started doing in January, inspired by this TED talk was clearing one thing a day. Declutter is one of my missions I'm on. With our wee cottage, there's actually plenty of room for us all, but there's so much stuff. So each day, I'm getting rid of at least one thing to a charity bag/mending one thing/clearing one area. One thing a day is easy. I'm aiming for one thing from each room but in the process, I've finished a cushion that had been waiting 10 months, fixed a bell that the dog chewed off a rope (the cat used to ring it to signal he wanted to go out) - waiting 11 months, finished a bag I've been intending to make for 7 months and nearly completed my crocheted ukulele case. As well as countless other things in the charity shop pile/repurposed, sent to friends or sold. Just one thing makes quite a few things in the end!

Sending love and here's to more dancing through life with joy,

​Em x