Finding the Pause: A Simple Practice for When Life Gets Loud

A guest post by Les Peebles, Creator of The Four Turning Points Method

Em is my homeopath, and during the time I’ve known her she has become someone I genuinely value — not just for her skill and care, but for the quality of her thinking and the warmth she brings to everything she does.

When I recently shared with her some of the work I have been developing around conflict, disturbance, and finding clarity, she responded with such generosity and enthusiasm that she invited me to write something for her blog. I am honoured to be here.

My work is called The Four Turning Points. It is a very simple, pen-and-paper method for finding clarity when you feel disturbed, angry, or caught in a story. But before I explain what it is, I should probably explain why I created it.

The Illusion of the Victim

For a long time, I believed that the conflict in my life was everyone else's fault.

I had experienced a lot of it—from being bullied as an eight-year-old, to deep conflicts in communities and my own marriage. I felt misunderstood, and my response was anger. I became a shouter. I wasn't physically violent, but my shouting was a form of emotional violence that scared the people closest to me. And I couldn't see it. I genuinely believed I was the reasonable one, and the world was just winding me up.

Until one afternoon when I was 37.

My 12-year-old son was having a meltdown, which triggered my own anger. I was holding him by the shoulders on the lounge floor, shouting at him to calm down.

And then, he spat in my face.

In that exact second, something shifted. I suddenly saw what I had become. I let him go, and I made a promise to myself: the next time I felt that rage rising, I would catch it before it left my mouth.

The very next day, the anger flared up again. Every instinct told me to stay and fight. But I remembered my promise. I walked out of the house.

After 15 minutes of walking, the heat faded. And I realised something profound: no one had been hurt. I didn't feel any shame. All my choices were still intact. I had found the pause.

The Power of the Pause

That moment changed my life. I realised that between the trigger (what happens to us) and our reaction (what we do next), there is a gap. If we can learn to stand in that gap, we can change the story.

When we get caught in a disturbance—whether it is a blunt email, a disagreement with a partner, or just the overwhelming news cycle—our minds love to write a novel. We pull in past grievances, future worries, and complex theories about other people's motives. We get completely lost in the chapters.

But to find clarity, you don't need to read the whole novel. You just need to catch the headline.
"They don't respect me."
"I'm failing at this."
"This is going to be a disaster."

Once you see the headline, you can stop reading. You can step back, take a pause, and wait for a truer perspective to arrive.

A Simple Invitation

You don't have to be a "shouter" to need this. We all get caught in stories when we feel threatened or disturbed.

The Four Turning Points method is simply a structured way to catch the story, take a pause, and find clarity before you react. It is a practice of noticing without judging. If a disturbance arises, you just acknowledge it. "Ah, there's that feeling again." You don't need to dive into it. Just let it be there, take a breath, and return to your day.

If this resonates with you, I would love to invite you to explore it further.

I host a free, 45-minute Open Practice session on Zoom every fortnight. It is a quiet, guided space where we practice the method together using just a pen and paper. There are no breakout rooms and no pressure to share—just a supportive environment to find the pause.

You can find out more and book a free spot at www.thefourturningpoints.co.uk

Thank you to Em for your work and for creating such a lovely space here, and for inviting me to share this with you all.

Warmly,
Les

I thought I'd have the last word... it is my website afterall ;) and say a massive thanks to Les for both the development of this work, and his sharing the guest blog here.

It's been an honour. Thank you, Les.

Em :)